I’ve neglected my blog because I’m having a bit of an identity crisis with it.  I’m just not sure how I want to frame my little corner of the interwebs, and this lack of structure, so to speak, has kept me from writing.  I used to blog just to get opinions off my chest, and let’s “face” it, now I use Facebook for that.  Then I blogged to keep family members and friends apprised of our latest doings when we lived far away from everyone familiar, but that purpose is now defunct, as well.  (Although given the transitory nature of our current situation, that could revert at any time!)

I’m also searching for a deeper identity for myself, I think.  First, as I’m learning more about food and diet and cooking, I’m changing who I am at the table, and it’s weird to think about, but that’s actually a big part of who we are, isn’t it?  So many factors guide what we put in our grocery cart and what we put on our forks and what we put into the mouths of our babies and loved ones.

Second, with my youngest child turning 3 this summer, I think we’re officially departing the “survival” era of early parenting.  My kids are still very dependent on me during the day, but for the most part, they’re now feeding themselves and sleeping through the night and playing with each other or independently.  That has left a good chunk of time daily for me to tend to housework and other pursuits.  And to be honest, I’m still floundering there.  I keep up with my chores, but I hate feeling a slave to my home from sunup to sundown; however, on the other end of the spectrum, I waste far too much time online, browsing Pinterest or reading articles or chatting on the ole FB.  I need to find the right balance of work and play, but I really have no guidelines to help point the way.  I think structure would help in this area, as well, and if we move forward with sending Will to preschool in the fall, I know that will help order my day better, with drop-offs and pick-ups and while we’re out, let’s just run to Target and that sort of thing.

Third, and this is related to the last point, I’m beginning to wonder how to devote some of free time to long-term life goals and dreams.  For example, I’ve always wanted to write a novel (yes, I’m one in a million girls who say that, but heck, it’s just true).  Having reached this point in life and personal maturity, though, I’ve never doubted my abilities more.  I just don’t know if what I have to contribute is worthy?  That’s not a self-derogatory statement, just a sincere question.  But I also know that I really want to try, regardless of the answer to that question.  And why not now?  Why not during my stolen moments here and there?  What’s stopping me?  I think it’d be truly sad if it were just my self-doubt preventing a good effort.  So, needless to say, I’m starting to apply some pressure on myself.

Identity crisis notwithstanding, is this really a genuine mid-life crisis?  I’m laughing at the thought, but the fact remains that I’m in my mid-thirties, my marriage is solid and happy, my children are no longer tiny babies and we’re knocking on school’s door soon, and I have had a chance to take stock and find some life inventory missing.  I want to evolve more in these given roles of wife and mom and homemaker, but there’s more to me than this.  I just FEEL it.  So…what’s next?

Has anyone else reached this point in life?  Any advice to give, or wisdom to ponder?



Filed under life

2 responses to “Crisis

  1. This is my personal experience, and experience always varies, but I’ve found that pre-school for Adele (as in, before any enrollment in a school, at 4 or 5) was one stage in our lives. Once there was somewhere go to 3 mornings a week, and now 5, life has created its own structure – and it’s sort of sink-or-swim — and we are definitely in a new era of the DeVries household. Each stage has its perks and its stresses, and each require adjustments. Perhaps, as you plan for fall enrollment for Will, you’re sensing that the change is lurking around the corner?

  2. I agree – preschool helped me get my ducks in order too. I miss it right now! It helps to have some time without the kids too. My youngest is turning 2 next week and you have given me hope that things will get easier. Independent play? What’s that? Ha – I know it will come by daughter at 4 can entertain herself for long periods of time.

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