I’m sitting at my desk, finally enjoying a moment of peace in an otherwise crazy morning.  I ran around town yesterday, hunting/gathering supplies and groceries for my house, and shopping for late winter/early spring clothes for my kids (Will went from a 3T size pants to needing a 4T practically overnight).  When I came in, I unpacked the groceries but a pile of bags and boxes just sat in the hallway because kids can’t wait for dinner, baths, and bedtime.  And of course, when that’s all said and done, what mama doesn’t collapse in front of the TV?

So this morning was a whirlwind of activity — putting away, organizing, straightening, cleaning — and I hadn’t even yet begun on today’s regular to-do list.  On top of all that, we’re in full-boar mode with potty-training Will, and right when I bragged about his progress on Facebook, he had an epic accident.  Pardon me, but it was the mother of all poops.  I had to give him a bath and scrub down the bathroom and start another load of laundry, and just when I got everything situated and sparkling again and Will back to his play, I realized Lucy had a dirty diaper.  Honestly, in that moment, I could have cried.  There are only so many days in a person’s life that she can spend elbow-deep in excrement before tears fall.  Instead, I got the kids settled for their nap so I could just bring to an end a morning that just didn’t go my way.

Yet here I am with the afternoon ahead of me, looking at the traffic jam of clean laundry that needs to be folded and put away, hungry for lunch, and sorely tempted to chuck it all and just go take a nap.  Next to me is my dayplanner listing today’s chores, a stack of coupons to go through, and a cup of cold coffee that I never got to drink.  Not to mention all the baking and cooking I have planned, because I refused to buy processed foods at the store yesterday (I can make it better at home, right?  Well, right, but I still have to *make* it…)  All of these things just whisper “you’re so behind,” and “you’ll never get to it all,” and “what’s the point?  There will only be more messes and chores and meals to deal with tomorrow!”

All of this might be true, but you know what?  It’s a new year.  And I’ve decided to do better this year, and so far, I’ve been succeeding here and there.  Nothing monumental, but I have made small steps that have upped my domestic game.  A couple weeks ago, like everyone else, I considered making some goals for this year and resolved to at least take a stab at all of them.  My very highest goal is to be the master of my domain and not let it defeat me day in and day out.  Since becoming a mom, I’ve realized that I can no longer do a burst of cleaning on a Saturday morning and call it good for a week (oh, those were the days).  Nope, it never works out that way and there’s simply too much to handle all at once.  It’s a classic how-do-you-eat-an-elephant situation.  One bite at a time, of course, and staying on top of things means constantly chewing.  I don’t like it.  Not at all.  But it is, truly, the only way.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m all about a weary mom taking the afternoon off for a nap or a hot bath.  But those have to be the exception, not the rule — at least for me.  Becoming better at anything requires discipline and persistence and commitment.  And as much as those words grate on me, especially in my current mood, I still have to rise to meet them.  Well, take that back, technically I don’t.  I could do just enough to get by and go take a nap, but that’s not how I want to live.  Not this year.  I want to do better this year.  I mean, I won’t be a candidate for Mom of the Year and Martha Stewart certainly has serious job security, but I know I can do better and like I told myself, just take a stab at it.  Try (are you humming that Pink song in your head?).  See what I can accomplish; see how far I get!

So…I have to ignore the siren call of my pillow.  I have to embrace the quiet of naptime as my chance to catch up, and not my opportunity to check out.  I have to TRY.  Wish me luck!!!

Note:  My next post will be a list of all my goals.  Buckle up…I’m pretty hard-core about seizing this year!  Carpe…annuem?  🙂


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2 responses to “Try

  1. Dear friend – give yourself some credit. You do far more than ‘try’. Your home is beautiful, your kids are adorable and your husband is cherished (and we can all see that). Looking forward to seeing the list!

  2. Kate

    Kudos to you for such motivation! One thing I have learned about myself – and I think you share this trait – is that I accomplish more in fits and starts. And I do it all more happily when I allow myself to do that and don’t aim for a level of consistency that is unnatural, you know? I used to. I tried copying my mother, who is NOTHING if not consistent in her tasks, and some weeks I did it, but it felt unnatural, which robbed some of the sense of success. I had to find a rhythm that is perhaps a bit looser…more bluesy, less classical, not quite jazz. How’s that for a weird analogy. 🙂
    Anyway, press on! And afterward hop in that tub and relax….

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